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Let's begin with the most difficult situation—the irate parent. You have no doubt already discovered these situations have a way of appearing out of the blue, at the worst possible time, giving you no time to prepare. They demand your immediate attention, take lots of time and patience, and even then can be difficult to resolve.
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The first and only possible step is to listen. Irate parents are not going to hear a word you have to say until they are confident you have heard them.
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The first and only possible step is to listen. Irate parents are not going to hear a word you have to say until they are confident you have heard them. Invite them to come sit with you in a quiet place (the children don't benefit from angry voices reverberating down the hallways), give them absolute eye contact, and be the best reflective listener you know how to be. You know the routine: "I think I hear you saying…" Over and over again gently and respectfully ask for clarification as needed for you to understand what happen. Not only does this assure the parents you are listening; the solution is often in these details. Take notes. This is tricky because you have to take notes in a way that doesn't come between you and the parents, but yet gives you documentation you may need later.
All of this is a tall order, because you might find yourself fighting back the urge to give your opinion or offer a solution. Just remind yourself, "They can't hear a word I say until they have had their say." Bite your tongue, your turn is coming. Ask questions, watch their body language, be patient (after all, you are already ten minutes late for your next meeting). Keeping the child's wellbeing foremost in your mind will help you stay focused.
When you can see the parents are ready ask, "What would be helpful?" or "What would make things better for your child?" or any question that fits your style and evokes from the parents what they would like to see happen. There is no sense trying to guess what they really hoped to accomplish by coming to you in anger. You are better off asking.
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Don't make promises you can't keep.
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Now you really need to be careful! Don't make promises you can't keep. Assure the parents you will follow through. Ask if there is anything else they can think of that you should know as you look into this situation. Promise you'll get back to them. Agree upon the date by which you'll call them. Ask them to call you, if they haven't heard from you by that date (but don't let that happen). Now, sincerely thank them for bringing the problem to you! After all, you would much rather they brought this problem to you instead of all the other places in the community they could have spilled their anger! Walk them to the building exit, shake their hands, and thank them again. Before you rush off to that next meeting, finish your documentation. |
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| Working with Parents...an Elementary Principal's Perspective |
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